


Snack Thief

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Banter, Crack, Flirting, Humor, M/M, Snacks & Snack Food, The squad takes their snacks very seriously, but Barba is a little snack thief, no snack is safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 08:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30002391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: Snacks go missing from the squad room and the Detectives start pointing fingers at each other. Sonny's the one who cracks the case and gets a date in the process.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 74





	Snack Thief

**Author's Note:**

> So I tweeted that I had a dream that my birthday cake went missing and Sonny showed up to investigate the incident, and Diane asked if Rafael was around because he couldn't be trusted around cake. That immediately got me thinking about Rafael going around snagging everyone's snacks, and Kas and Melissa said I should write it, so I did!
> 
> This is pure crack with a sprinkle of barisi, I hope you like it!

“What the hell? Who took my muffin?,” Mike Dodds asked, voice booming across the bullpen as he stared at his desktop with an incredulous expression. 

Fin lifted an eyebrow at him. “No one took your muffin, Dodds.”

“It was just here! My banana muffin!,” he scowled, shooting daggers at every Detective. “Come on, guys. Own up to it.”

“Banana muffin?,” Kat pulled a face. “Definitely not me.”

“If I pay you for the muffin, will you stop yelling about it?,” Amanda asked, not looking up from her files.

“Did you eat it?,” Mike asked.

Amanda chuckled, shaking her head. “Nope. Pretty sure you’re the only person who likes banana muffins, Sarge.”

“I like banana muffins,” Sonny piped in, walking into the precinct with coffee and his afternoon snack. 

“My muffin is gone,” Mike said, pointing at his desk.

Sonny shrugged. “Sorry, I just got here.”

“Okay, I  _ will  _ pull out the security cameras if I have to,” he said, and the group laughed. Everybody knew that going up to the IT department to request access to the cameras required an annoying amount of documents and signatures.

“Good luck with that,” Fin said. 

“We can share my cannoli,” Sonny offered, but Mike shook his head, sitting down with a huff. “Suit yourself.”

Sonny left his coffee and his snack on his desk and went into the break room to grab napkins and extra sweeteners. Once he returned, the Detectives had all moved from the bullpen into Olivia’s office, and Sonny’s brown bag had disappeared.

He barged into Olivia’s office, fuming. “Where’s my cannoli? Mike, seriously, I offered to share it and you said no!”

“What? I didn’t take your cannoli,” the sergeant said. 

“Detective, we’re trying to work here,” Barba said, scowling.

“Okay, so whoever grabbed the brown bag from my desk can just come clean and we’ll go back to work,” he said.

“Carisi,” Olivia said in a warning tone, and he deflated.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, sitting down on the couch beside Barba. 

Maybe Sonny could convince Mike to request access to the cameras. There were two snacks missing now, and that showed a pattern. They needed to get to the bottom of this.

When Olivia dismissed them an hour later, Sonny hung by Barba to offer some legal advice. He’d read a precedent recently that could help him throw out a motion to dismiss a charge. 

“You may argue that it isn’t applicable, Counselor, but I think it’s enough to scare the defense,” Sonny said, tapping Barba on the shoulder.

“Thank you so much for the unsolicited lecture on case law, Detective,” Barba said with a side smirk. “If you’re done wasting my time, I’ve got some actual work to do.”

Sonny beamed at him. “You’re welcome,” he said, then snorted when Barba rolled his eyes and turned to leave. “He likes my advice,” Sonny told Olivia.

She looked at him over her glasses, one eyebrow raised. “If you say so.”

Sonny nodded at her, taking his leave. As soon as he stepped onto the bullpen, Kat’s voice filled the space and everyone turned to her. 

“Are you  _ kidding _ me?,” came Kat’s frustrated cry. “Is this a prank? Fin, was this your idea?”

Fin had barely moved from his desk. “What?”

“There was a bar of Snickers in this drawer,” she said, pulling the whole drawer out and turning the contents on top of her desk. “You know I get angry when I’m hungry.”

“ _ Hangry _ ,” Mike said with a laugh, and Kat glared at him.

“It wasn’t me,” Fin said, raising his hands. “I don’t like banana muffins, I have no interest in Carisi’s greasy cannoli, and I had no idea you kept chocolate in your drawer. If I did, you’d know.”

“Hey! My cannoli is not  _ greasy _ .” 

“Okay, hold on,” Amanda said. “Three snacks are missing, we just gotta see who was in the bullpen when we weren’t here.” 

“We all went into Liv’s office,” Mike said.

“Sonny came in last,” Kat pointed out.

“Excuse me? I am a  _ victim  _ here. I’ve been craving cannoli all day and now it’s gone,” he said, hands on his hips. 

“Maybe you ate your cannoli while we went into the office,” Kat continued. “And when that wasn’t enough, you stole my chocolate.”

“No, I did not. You wanna know why?,” Sonny leaned closer to Kat. “Because Snickers are  _ gross _ !”

Kat started yelling about the cannoli being awful while Sonny yelled back all the ways he hated Snickers and why it was a sorry excuse for a chocolate. Mike interjected, trying to add his missing muffin into the discussion, defending Sonny because he wasn’t in the precinct when it disappeared. 

Fin tried to yell above all of them, telling them this was a place of work and they shouldn’t be acting so unprofessionally over dumb snacks. Amanda took out her phone and started filming the whole thing. 

It was Olivia, however, who put a stop to the whole thing. “What  _ the hell  _ do you all think you’re doing?”

Everybody stopped, the precinct going silent as they gaped at each other and threw Olivia apologetic looks. 

“Get back to work,” she said. “Now!”

“Sorry, Cap,” Sonny said, ducking his head.

“It’s my fault, Captain,” Mike said. 

“Won’t happen again,” Kat added, going back to her desk. 

For the rest of the day, the Detectives worked in silence, throwing each other glares and frowning into their paperwork. Sonny would bet Fin was the one taking all their snacks, but he wouldn’t go as far as to accuse him. He didn’t have the rank for that. So he accepted his cannoli’s fate and vowed to make some himself when he got home.

* * *

“Here you go, Counselor,” Sonny said, dropping a pile of files on top of the ADA’s coffee table. “You’ve been served.”

“Your squad brings me so much joy, Detective,” Barba mumbled, not looking up from his notepad. 

Sonny laughed, very much used to Barba’s cracks at the squad. He was about to offer evidence the ADA did actually enjoy spending time with the 16th precinct, but something caught his eye. There were  _ crumbs  _ on Rafael’s lapel.

Sonny had never seen him anything but perfectly put together, but there he was, looking like he’d just scarfed down some cake in desperation.

Wait. A cake, or a muffin?

The Detective looked around the office, suspicious. 

There were other files on top of the prosecutor’s round table, as well a discarded coffee cup and what was clearly an empty  _ muffin case _ . Sonny picked it up and sniffed it, triumphant when he smelled banana. 

Next he went around Barba’s desk and peaked into the trash can he kept under it, expecting to find the wrapper for Kat’s chocolate bar. Instead, he saw  _ his  _ brown paper bag.

“Can I help you with something, Detective?,” Barba asked, unamused, but still not moving from his couch. 

Sonny didn’t reply, pulling the bag from the trash. Next he tried to find the missing Snickers bar. After a muffin and a cannoli Barba probably would be full enough to save the chocolate for later, so instead of inspecting the trash can outside the office, his eyes fell on Barba’s jacket, forgotten on his chair.

He grabbed it, quickly going through the pockets. That caught Barba’s attention, and the ADA looked at him in offended disbelief.

“Carisi, I know you feel very comfortable in my office, comfortable enough to come in without knocking and going through my things, apparently,” Barba said. “But I draw the line at you manhandling my clothes.”

There, in Barba’s inside breast pocket, was Kat’s missing bar of Snickers. Sonny pulled it all with a flourish.

“You know, Counselor,” Sonny started, a smug smile spreading across his face. “If you wanted to be a little snack thief, you could at least try to get rid of the evidence.”

Barba sputtered, setting his notepad and pen on the coffee table. “What?”

“Don’t even try to deny it,” he said, slamming the cannoli bag on the round table. “My cannoli,” he slammed the muffin case on top of it next, “Mike’s banana muffin,” and the chocolate was the last evidence of Barba’s crimes, crowning the pile with a dull thud, “and Kat’s Snickers.”

The ADA looked from the pile to Carisi. “Arrest me then, Detective.”

Sonny laughed, throwing his head back. “Barba, seriously? Why would you go around stealing everybody’s food?”

Barba huffed, looking away from him. “I was hungry.”

“You skipped lunch again, didn’t you?,” Sonny said, shaking his head in fond amusement. 

“My blood sugar was low.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he walked up to him, taking a seat beside him on the couch. “The squad’s gonna be real mad at you.”

“You’re gonna rat me out?”

Sonny smiled. “We can work out a deal between the two of us.”

“I’m listening,” Barba said, leaning towards him.

“Next time the squad’s out, the first round is on you,” Sonny said, then lifted a hand to stop him when Barba started to agree. “There’s more. If you wanted my cannoli so bad, you could have asked.”

“Okay, so what’s the deal?”

“Come over tonight,” Sonny said with a lopsided grin. “Since  _ someone  _ ate my cannoli, I was planning to bake a batch for myself later.”

Barba tilted his head at him, smirking. “Your offer is baking cannoli for me?”

“The deal is a round of drinks for the squad and a date for me.”

“That’s smooth, Detective,” the ADA said, low and sultry. “I didn’t see that coming.”

Sonny beamed. “Yeah? So what do you say?”

“It’s a deal,” Barba offered him a hand, and they shook on it. Before Sonny pulled his hand away, however, Barba used it to pull him closer. “And just so you know, my dates normally end with a kiss goodnight.”

Sonny felt his face burn. “Well,” he blinked owlishly. “I guess the squad will never know who took their snacks.”

**Author's Note:**

> Rafael is THE snack thief, taking the squad's food AND Sonny Snack Carisi :P I loved writing the squad arguing and Olivia putting order to it ngl lmao I hope you got a giggle out of this! MWAH


End file.
